Family Guy Wars: Episode I: The Short Coming
by Dr. Unknown
Summary: What happens when Lois tells Peter that he came up short on their honeymoon and then leaves him? Action...Revenge...find out in my vision of family guy wars. play star wars song


Family Guy Wars

Episode I: The Short Coming

By: me

Lois never said this to anyone, but Peter came up short on their honeymoon. When Lois couldn't keep it a secret any longer, she told him of this…when he was drunk. The next morning, Peter was sitting up in bed doing something with his back turned to Lois. When she asked what was wrong, he said: "I can't make it grow anymore". Two minutes later, Lois left him. Peter, then, got upset and did the only thing he can think of…he went to the liquor store and bought a hussler and a copy of Kiss Saves Santa.

So, you ask, what was the point of this…the point is that if you have your copy of Kiss Saves Santa and a hussler, you don't need a Lois…you need revenge!

After Peter watched Kiss Saves Santa, he went down to an ally and bought a gun and said his vow: "What ever it takes, I am going to kill that back stabber Lois, and live my life happily with my Hussler collection." The wind then carried his vow over to Lois, who was with Glen (a.k.a. Quagmire) and started to equip herself…with ballistics. So, with the aid of Quagmire, she was going to end Peter…or so she thinks.

Peter, who has been searching for Lois all day, heard of her whereabouts, so he heads over to Quagmire's house. Peter, then, opens the door and finds nothing but darkness. He takes only three steps in before he falls into a hole in the floor. Lois and Quagmire then jump down and prepare themselves for what could be the end of their lives. "Get him, Glen!" says Lois.

"Eh, all right," replies Glen. Glen charges and jumps into the air and kicks Peter in the face. Peter then gets up and punches him thrice in the face; right, left, right. Glen then evades the fourth hit and kicks Peter in the stomach. Next, Glen jumps and stomps Peter in the stomach but then Peter trips him and he takes out the gun and shoots him in the leg.

"Is that all you got, Peter?" asked Lois, who has a gun pointed at Peter's head, "like always, Peter always comes up short! Unlike you, Peter, Glen doesn't." Glen, then pulls out a bazooka from his pocket and points it at Peter.

"Do what you want…I lost," said Peter. Just when Glen was about to pull the trigger to blow Peter into meow bits, a loud explosion interrupts them.

"Freeze, scumbag!"

Relieved by the voice Peter heard, he got up and punched Lois in the face and backed away from them. "Thanks, Joe! I knew you would come."

"Lets finish this, Peter…so we can watch Gumble to Gumble…its on in 20 minutes."

"Yes. May we end this traitorous bitch and live our happy lives. Glen! You can still live…all you have to do is come back to us…?"

"Hell no! I was only your friend in the first place because of Lois. But now that she's mine, I don't need you all anymore!"

"Then I am sorry to do this," said Joe as he pulled out two guns.

"Me too," said Peter as he pulled out his lightsaber and turned it on. " You two…will end here.

Glen then pulled out his lightsaber and turned it on and said: "You will die! Lois, you take care of Joe…Peter is mine!" Peter and Glen then charge at each other and are now engaged in a kick ass lightsaber fight…both with a green and blue lightsaber each. Lois then starts to run away and Joe chases her. Peter and Glen are having a kick ass lightsaber fight…kind of like Anakin and Obi in episode three, just add a green lightsaber to each. Peter, then, breaks Glens green lightsaber and soon after the blue one. Just as Peter is about to finish Glen off, Brian jumps over with a green lightsaber and quickly breaks Peters two lightsabers.

"Brian," said Peter, "…but why? I thought we were just best friends?"

"On the contrary, Peter, I am also in love with Lois (watch that one episode when Brian pees on the carpet) and my love over Lois rules over my friendship with you, Peter."

"You…YOU BASTARD! BRIAN…I WILL KILL YOU!"

"You will try."

As Brian is about to finish off Peter, Stewie comes down and hits him with the dark force!

"Wha-What! So…you are behind this, Stewie," said Brian as he got up.

"Yes…I got the fat man to join in my evil plan to kill Lois after she left him. Here fat man," said Stewie as he threw him a lightsaber, "lets finish them."

"Yes…then we kill Lois."

"Yes. Now, lets FIGHT!"

To be continued…maybe…


End file.
